Unrighteous Trash

No one expects much from movies like Poseidon, but movies don't have to be perfect to be great summer escapism. I wouldn't have given it a chance in the States, but anything that costs $150 million to produce should at least be able to deliver 80-baht ($2) worth of frivolous entertainment. Do I need to tell you that I left the theatre feeling cheated?

I don't expect much from a disaster flick, but I do expect to be blown away visually. Poseidon's special effects are flat-out awful. The original was shackled by 70s technology, but its elaborate staging trumps everything in the remake. The climax is about as convincing as the opening to Land of the Lost. In fact, for sheer thrills, the five-minute airplane crash at sea in Cast Away blows anything and everything Poseidon has to offer right out of the water (pun intended).

The big wave capsizes the boat within the first five minutes, but incredibly that is not fast enough to spare the audience from some excruciating character development. A lot of "Extreme Love Boat" jokes have been made already, but they're apt.

It is not worth my time or yours to itemize the inanities in this movie, but here's one: lobby is upside-down and on fire, and one character asks of the situation, "Is it bad?"

Poseidon does not only dishonor its predecessor, but manages to dishonor tsunami victims, Latino Americans, and victims of the Titanic as well. It even fails at being bad enough to work as a guilty pleasure or sick curiosity. See the original, check out The Towering Inferno, you might even have some fun with the horrific disaster that was Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, but don't see this one -- not on DVD, not on TV, not ever.